We had a 'communion' meal last night when we were supposed to bring a story or poem or something. In a moment of desperation I dug out some poems I had written some years ago. Nick has insisted I post them here. I do so somewhat reluctantly but am used to doing as I'm told! If you notice elements of plagiarism they are entirely intentional.
Here's the first:

Love Me Do!
(Alt. title: Ontology)

How do I love Thee? Let me count the ways:
I go to church on Sunday, and several other days.
I read my Bible every night, & often kneel to pray,
Then I witness to my neighbour, & he listens to what I say.
I divide my money into tens, & keep back nine for me,
Then I follow Biblical instruction & offer one to Thee.
I buy some very expensive meat & make it look quite nice,
Then I invite the vicar round, & serve him it with rice.
The lady who lives next door is old, & can't get to the shops,
So I take my carrier bag with me, & buy her tripe & chops.
My level of activity must surely show to all
That I love Thee very much, as much as did St. Paul.
I know it doesn't match the love You showed to me,
But mine is more practical, the love I have for Thee.
I know You came, I know You died, for me You gave Your life,
I can't do any of that, it's not fair on my wife!
What's that You say? You want my all, my money & my heart?
That all sounds so hard to me, I don't know where to start.
I think I'll go on loving Thee the way I have so far,
I'll even offer lifts to church within my brand new car.
If I had to give my all, to carry a cross for You,
You see I simply wouldn't know just what I had to do!